SPOILER ALERT PROBABLY!

Yep, that Dark Knight movie sure has collected a lot of hype over the past few weeks. I haven’t seen so many gushing superlatives hurled at a comic book movie since… ever.

Incredibly, the movie totally lived up to the hype. It’s really unbelievable.

I don’t really want to write a whole THING about it, though, seeing as how I’d just be sort of repeating a million other THINGS people have written. Mariah pretty much wrote my review for me, anyway. (Thanks, Mariah!) I honestly can’t imagine there’ll be a better movie this year. What’s coming down the line to even compete? The Road, maybe? Burn After Reading? The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?

I do, however, want to take this moment to do what no other Dark Knight bloggist has yet to do: Congratulate the MPAA on yet another towering triumph in the field of movie ratings.

Sure, I just watched a PG-13 movie in which I was seriously worried I was about to witness a man with half his face-flesh burned off put a bullet in an 8-year-old boy’s skull in front of his crying, screaming family, but thanks to the good people at the MPAA, I had absolutely no fear of any nude female nipples sneaking into the scene. Thank you so much, MPAA. Because of you and your stalwart vigilance on behalf of our nation’s many unspoilt young minds, I can rest assured whenever children go to see crack-y, psychotic clowns stick knives in people’s mouths, those clowns will never, under any circumstances, dare to use the word “fuck.” I doff my hat to you all.

Yeah, the PG-13 rating is a joke. This is a dark, intense film…. Which is, of course, exactly why I loved it. The Dark Knight is a tar-black film about nothing less than the fragility of hope and the allure of chaos - Yes, it’s exactly that pretentious. But - oh my god, are you shitting me - they pulled it off! They really did! Through a combination of actors who take the material seriously, a director who never pulls his punches, 3 writers willing to take a summer blockbuster into places summer blockbusters just do not go… they did it. This is a “Fall prestige picture” disguised as a superhero spectacle and dumped in the middle of July to record crowds.

And god, this thing is brutal. I swear to god, there were moments in the theater when I was genuinely afraid of what I’d have to watch the Joker do. I was uncomfortable. And that kind of thing never happens to me. You can believe the hype. This Joker is one of the best movie villains of all time, Oscar nomination for sure (and not just as some cheap “Sorry to hear you died!” consolation prize, either).

You know those videos you can find on the internet of terrorists sawing people’s heads off with knives and whatnot?* Heath Ledger’s Joker is the guy with the knife. Only instead of a mask, he’s got clown paint smeared all over his mutilated mouth. Oh, and he’s laughing.

(I bet you could show those videos in a PG-13 movie. Y’know, as long as no one says “tits.”)

One more thing before this becomes a THING… Having grown up in Chicago, it was really cool to see where they staged the big car chase in the middle of the movie. Those hellish orange lights along the “lower” streets used to haunt my dreams when I was a kid.

…

SPEAKING OF HELLISH…

I also enjoyed the hell out of Hellboy 2. (Now THAT was a proper PG-13.) It was just one big, 2-hour-long orgy of the most inspired, imaginative production design you’ve ever seen. Brilliant action choreography, too (miles ahead of the Dark Knight, unfortunately, except for maybe that car chase scene). BUT… I’m not sure I agree with the consensus that Hellboy 2 is such an improvement over Hellboy 1, though. The main villain is definitely more compelling this time around, and there’s frankly just a lot MORE on the screen to appreciate, but I dunno… It seemed like Guillermo Del Toro (one of my favorite-ever guys, if you recall) really upped the SILLY for this one, occasionally venturing dangerously close to Men In Black territory. I’m usually a big proponent of the silly, but in this case, I was a little distracted. The tone just seemed slightly off from what they established the first time around (and miles away from the comics).

And what was going on with Abe Sapien in this new one? He betrays them all toward the end, then just kind of stands around while everyone else fights? What’s going on there, Fish Guy?

These are pretty minor complaints, though. Hellboy 2 is, without question, a beautiful movie full of agonizingly beautiful visuals (The dying elemental! The regenerating army! The rock door guy!), the best action scenes of the year, a note-perfect performance by Ron Perlman, and tons of really nice character animation (that poor, dying tooth fairy…). Also: Johann Krauss is worth the price of admission alone. Family Guy voice and everything.

Y’know, The Dark Knight and Hellboy 2 will make a good double-feature when I have the discs here at home. After two and a half hours of punishing Gotham oppression, maybe I’ll better appreciate the light and silly adventures of the hellborn demon destined to destroy mankind.

It’s been a really cool summer movie season, hasn’t it?

THREE DAYS TO COMIC-CON!

*A friend of mine e-mailed me a link to one of those videos SANS WARNING one time. Luckily, someone told me what it was before I clicked it, but other friends were… not so lucky.

DUDE!

Did you manage to secure passes to the San Diego Comic-Con (SDCC if you’re nasty) this year? I sure hope so, ’cause the whole stinking thing is completely sold out this time around. “Even SUNDAY, Aaron?” Yes, mysterious voice rattling around my skull, even Sunday.

Craziness!

Anyway, if you’ll be braving the teeming hordes next week and want to say hello, I’ll be at the SLG booth behind a big stack of freshly minted SR Vol. 1 SECOND PRINTINGS (hey, it’s a big deal to me) at the following times:

THURSDAY, July 24: 2:00 - 3:30

SUNDAY, July 27 (BIRFDAY!): 11:00 - 12:00

Come to my table and I will give you this single unit of cardboard:

…FREE OF CHARGE. I might even make a nice little picture on the back, if you want.

Hope to see you there and not forget your name for the millionth time. (Early-onset Alzheimer’s is no laughing matter, kids!)

Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter!

WOW!

Has it really been almost a month since I posted? How lame!

BUT… here are all the posts I would’ve written had I not been spending all my time on, y’know, Serenity pages, freelance character designs, Comic-Con preparations (July 23-27 at the SLG booth, but I’m sure I’ll post more on that later) and, of course, important LOST DVDs from Netflix:

1. GRUNION UN-RUN. Two weeks ago I made a point of trekking down to San Pedro’s Cabrillo Beach in the middle of the night to join well over a thousand of my fellow humans in watching tiny, sardine-like fish called “grunions” squiggle out of the tide, half-bury themselves in the sand (if female), squirt big, steaming gobs of “milt” all over half-buried females (if male), then high-tail it back out to sea like dirty, dirty sailors, leaving nothing behind but great hordes of newly-fertilized orphan eggs. That’s right, I went out to see a fish orgy. And I didn’t even get to see the fish orgy, thanks to my darling, precious countrymen’s inability to follow simple directions. Put it this way: If thousands of babbling primates went charging into your home brandishing flashlights, buckets, and pure stupidity, you probably wouldn’t be able to stuff your loved one in a hole and dump semen on her, either.

The Cabrillo Beach Aquarium was way cool, though. Before our ill-fated grunion-love excursion, they prepped with a short film about grunions presented in glorious, 60’s-era, “teacher needs a smoke break” Technicolor. It was sort of the highlight of the evening. Well, that and the awesome octopus, moon jellies, shark eggs and monstrous demon lobsters.

2. THE INCREDIBLE HULK. The new Hulk movie was pretty good. Edward Norton, the vast shantytown chase, Tim Roth kicked into a tree and the notion of one day seeing Tim Blake Nelson don the big, green, hydroencephalytic head of The Leader… Good stuff. And it really felt like part of the same universe as Iron Man, tone-wise. The whole “house style” approach Marvel is taking with these new movies is kind of fun at the moment, but you can see how it might backfire down the line. I mean, one of the things I really loved about Ang Lee’s version (which, I have to admit, I still prefer) was how odd the thing was. It seemed very Ang Lee, however compromised it might’ve been. But maybe that movie’s fate is exactly why Marvel’s decided to stay out of the “personal vision” business. Which is fair, but you have to wonder… would a guy like Christopher Nolan want to work in a “house style?” Would Sam Raimi? GDT?

(By the way, why are internet people always hatin’ on the Hulk dogs so much? What’s not cool about The Hulk having to fight giant monster canines? I LOVED the Hulk dogs! All the hate kind of freaks me out a little, too… I mean, forcing my characters to fight a massive, irradiated hell-poodle is EXACTLY the kind of thing I’d put in my comics… God, should I be worried?)

3. THE ANIMATION SHOW 4. Going to Mike Judge’s (and until recently, funniest man alive Don Hertzfeldt’s) animation festival always reminds me of going to the old Tournée of Animation with my Dad every year. Man, I was too young for a lot of those shorts… This year’s batch is solid as always, although it’s kind of weird how much animation is coming out of France these days. Sort of a cartoon renaissance going on over there, I guess. But anyway, if the show comes to your neck of the country this time around, you should definitely take a look. My favorites this time around were Key Lime Pie, Paintballing, John and Karen, and, of course, Usavich:

ON THE BIG SCREEN, FOLKS. The schedule is right HERE.

4. WALL-E. Wow, another absolute masterpiece from Pixar. The first, nearly wordless, essentially all-character half of Wall-E is right up there with the very best films I’ve ever seen. The rest of the movie is great, but maybe not quite great enough to knock Ratatouille off the top of my list. Wall-E is actually a pretty fantastic bit of science fiction, too… It reminded me of all those old “EVERYTHING’S SCREWED!” sci-fi movies from the 70’s more than anything (Silent Running, Logan’s Run, Zardoz… DEFINITELY Zardoz….). Amazing, beautiful stuff. And the people who animated Wall-E himself should get a Best Actor nomination, as far as I’m concerned.

(SPOILER MAYBE! What was with all the live action bits, though? If we were never supposed to see humans later in the movie, the live actionny parts would’ve been neat, but as it is… What, do centuries of physical neglect turn people into pudgy Incredibles or something? It’s a very, very minor complaint, but still. WHA’ HAPPEN, Fred Willard??)

5. GRIM DEATH. June was not a good time to be a famous person I love, as both Stan Winston and George Carlin died all sudden-like last month. As the co-creator of the Predator, Alien Queen, and T-800 (the holy three!), Stan Winston was probably the first behind-the-scenes movie hero I ever had. And George Carlin… well, George Carlin is the greatest stand-up there ever was.

The world is worse without them, but better for having had them in it. Strange that it works that way.

Talk to you again in (hopefully) less than a month!

Aw, hang in there, Hellboy. You’ll catch a break someday, ya big lug!

I had very, very minor surgery the other day (finally got rid of that fetal twin that’s been yakking my ear off for 30 years), and the doctor gave me strict orders to lay off the long-winded blog posts for a couple of weeks. (Vigorous exercise and chronic wound-poking are fine, but gassing on for eighty paragraphs about Indiana Jones or whatever? Right out.) But I can still show you my favorite of the last batch of commissions:

Yes, it’s Sex and Violence month here at HSS Commissions Central (apparently!), courtesy of none other than Budd Root’s Cavewoman and Lusiphur the Poison Elf. To be honest, I wasn’t really familiar with either of these characters going in, but let me just say this: If you insist on carrying a gun AND a sword into battle… brother, you better find a use for both. (And if you insist on going naked in the jungle, you’d better befriend some dinosaurs. That’s my motto, anyway.)

As always, you can find more in the commissions gallery, including an Elektra, a Green Arrow, two Avatar folks and a veritable gaggle of pretty goth fellas - holy GOD I took on too much in May…

Anyway, if you’d like to commission your own merry little scribbling, send your request to serenity@heartshapedskull.com. The base price is $50, and $30 for each additional character on the same page. I’m hoping to get another batch done by the first week in July, but between nursing my newly en-Frankensteined body, taking on a new freelance job, and trying to keep up with SR pages, it might take me a bit longer… There will be a waiting list though, so don’t hesitate to shoot me your suggestions.

Also: Is somebody really trying to sell a first printing of SR Vol.1 for $63.93? You’re a MADMAN, Woody! A MADMAN.

Well, I enjoyed the new Indiana Jones movie.

I don’t have anything particularly intelligent to say about it, but then… the movie doesn’t particularly give you any reason to say intelligent things about it. It’s like a big bowl of one of those horrible sugar-cereals you used to love as a kid but haven’t thought about in 20 years. Except now all the frankenberries have tiny microcomputers in them that project holographic CG prairie dogs all over the kitchen as you chew. It’s kind of distracting and you wonder why they bothered, but you know what? The frankenberries taste just like you remember, you’re getting a nice nostalgia kick, and that’s what you paid for, goddamn it. I mean, sure, maybe you can’t slam the entire bowl of sugar-sludge the way you did 20 years ago, but, um.. but…

(Honey, is that box of bran flakes still on top of the fridge? I like the flax bits.)

I think my enjoyment of Indy 4 was strongly enhanced by having watched the entirety of that Indiana Jones marathon they had on the Sci-Fi Channel last week. It reminded me what those movies really ARE, warts and all, so I wasn’t just riding some sort of dewy, soft-focus nostalgia train into the theater last Sunday. This has always been a goofy, cornball kind of series. Raiders of the Lost Ark is clearly head and shoulders (and chest and groin and legs and feet and several miles of empty air) above the rest, but Crystal Skull certainly isn’t any sillier or less engaging than the other two. It fits in pretty well, actually. Yes, Crystal Skull has Shia LaBeouf Tarzanning it up with CG monkeys, but if you recall, Last Crusade had Sean Connery destroying a Nazi fighter plane by riling up pigeons with his umbrella. (The birds weren’t CG though, so I guess that’s okay.)

I was kind of surprised, watching that marathon the other day, by how much I liked Temple of Doom. I used to be pretty adamant that Temple of Doom was the worst one, but looking at them again I think it holds up ever-so-slightly better than Last Crusade. Maybe I’ve just endured Kate Capshaw’s character often enough to build up a tolerance at this point, but I dunno… The mine carts… the monkeyheads… that whole first scene in the nightclub… all that stuff is as good as anything in Raiders. (That shish-kebabbed puppet shooting wildly in the air is maybe my favorite thing ever). Mostly, I think I just appreciated how different Temple is from the first one. I mean, Last Crusade is great, but sometimes it really does feel like they just slapped new labels on all the old Raiders stuff and called it a new movie.

The villains in Last Crusade are kind of forgettable, too… Some people mentioned the bad guys weren’t very good in this new movie, but I dunno. To be honest, I thought Irina Spalko was maybe the best villain since Toht and Belloq in Raiders. It’s kind of hard to go wrong when you give somebody like Cate Blanchett a thick Ukrainian accent and an inexplicable set of rapiers. I thought she was all kinds of neat.

The Beouf didn’t bother me the way he bothered other folks, either. After Constantine and I, Robot, I went into Indy expecting the guy to be in full “Scamp, the Lovable Wiseacre” mode, but it wasn’t like that at all. I figured his character would be all “Lay off, Pops! I ain’t got time for all your science museum mumbo-jumbo! I gots pomade to spread all over my hot rod at the rock-n-roll malt shop sock hop, Daddy-O!” There was a little of that, yeah, but I liked that Steven Spielberg, etc. largely avoided any kind of culture clash nonsense between the two leads. Mutt was pretty much on board with smart being cool right from the start.

I do agree, however, that the double agent guy was kind of pointless. And John Hurt’s performance was, as I read over at CHUD, sorta Lassie-like. The movie was maybe 15-20 minutes too long, went “too cutesy” a bit too often (ugh, that quicksand scene), and the last scene is kinda limp. And yes, fakey CG continues to be the slow death of Big Hollywood.

But still, I enjoyed the movie. The atomic blast shot, the jungle chase, the weird capoeria-spinning skull-masked grave-guards, the motorcycle slide through the library…. men dragged to their death by ants (ugh, ants)… Harrison Ford still being all cool… It felt like an Indiana Jones movie, and that’s all I wanted.

It’s kind of odd, a couple weeks ago I admitted to enjoying another critically derided movie, Speed Racer, on the grounds that it was a bit of silly fun that was at least trying something different. And now here I’m telling you I liked Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because it’s a bit of silly fun that wraps me in a warm blanket of familiarity.

Oh, wait… that’s not odd at all, actually. That’s called “having fun with different films for different reasons.” Nevermind.